Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
