Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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