Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize