At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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