don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
