Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize