her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
