i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
