my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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