Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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