When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
