Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
