ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
