i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
