would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
