I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
