i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize