Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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