God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
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Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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