If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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