i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
