it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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