I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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