You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
