MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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