It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
