I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize