I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
