Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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