she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
