so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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