I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
