i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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