Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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