I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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