I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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