doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
