Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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