if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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