Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
