508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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