people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
