I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize