so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
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Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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