i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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