Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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