My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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