you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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