Dual....:-)
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
