eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
