HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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