the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
