It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
