It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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