fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
