don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
