I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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