if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
