i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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