so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
