btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she told me i tasted like america
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Randomize
