dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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