Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
