I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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