I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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